OneX
by Tarica
Summary: Uses Three Days Grace album One-X to explore the emotions and thoughts of various characters throughout the show.
1. It's All Over

**Alright, so here's the deal with this story. It takes the songs from Three Days Grace's album One-X and describes the feelings and thoughts of various House Characters. This story doesn't have a specific chronological order, so I'll always tell you who each chapter features and approximately when it takes place at the beginning. First chapter is Cuddy, near the end of the second season.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not David Shore or Three Days Grace. If I were, I'd have a lot more friends. And money. So don't sue! **

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_Your bottles' almost empty, you know this __can't__ go on, b__ecause of you my mind is always racing__The needles' breaking your skin, the scar is sinking in, a__nd now your tr__ip begins but __it's__ all over for, i__t's all over for__ y__ou_

Cuddy hated it. She hated House's excessive drinking, she hated that she had discovered that he was shooting up morphine, all for the excuse of pain. She wanted to stop it, to take away his drugs and his escapes. He was a danger to himself, and she wouldn't stand for it anymore.

_For you, w__hen __you're__ on the edge and __falling off it's all over for you. __For you__ w__hen __you're__ on the edge and falling off__ i__t's all over_

It felt like she was always watching him teeter on a precipice, waiting for the smallest little gust of wind to come and knock him off. She had watched him balance there, delicately, for years. Ever since the infarction, he had been there, toeing the line through his pain and misery.

_I kn__ow what runs through your blood. __You do this all in __vain__ b__ecause of you my mind is always racing__And__ it gets under my skin__ t__o see you giving it__, a__nd now your trip begins but__ i__t's all over for__ i__t's all over for__ y__ou_

The painkillers only left his system during the week the week of her bet with him. There was always some type of narcotic flowing in his bloodstream. Vicodin, morphine, LSD to cure that migraine, it was always something. He denied that he had any problem. She didn't see how he possibly could.

_For you__ w__hen __yo__u're__ on the edge and falling off i__t's all over for you__For you__ w__hen __you're__ on the edge and__falling off__ i__t's all over_

He always said that the drugs let him do his job, that he needed them to do his job. Maybe they did let him solve the puzzles. There was no doubt that he loved to solve his cases, needed to solve his cases to stay happy.

No, not happy. But not entirely miserable, either._And now__ you're dead inside, s__till you wonder why__, i__t's all over__A__nd now__ you're dead inside__ s__till you__wonder why__ i__t's all over_

How could he deny that the pills hadn't changed him, that years of Vicodin hadn't altered his personality? Sure, he had never liked people before, but now he hated them. As far as she could tell, he didn't care for anyone. Except maybe Wilson and his mom. But apart from the pair of them, she could see nothing but a lack of apathy for the world in his blue eyes. It was a shame.

_And now__ you're dead inside__, s__till you wonder why__, w__hen you're on the edge and falling off__, i__t's all over for__(You, for you)__And now__ you're dead inside, s__till you wonder why__, w__hen you're on the edge and__ falling off, i__t's all over for (You, for you)__And now__ you're dead inside__, s__till you wonder why__It's all over_

She wanted him to leave the drugs, the alcohol, to actually live his life instead of focus his mind on his pain and misery. She didn't want to risk the chance that he would bring it all to an end. He was worth too much too her.


	2. Pain

**This chapter covers House's feelings on his pain. It spans both pre-series and series.**

**Special thanks to FutureWriterOfAmericaACTIVATE for reviewing! I dedicate this to you, thanks for the tips!**

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1. **_  
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_Pain, without love__. Pain, I __can't__ get enough__. Pain, I like it rough__, 'c__ause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all._

The pain was a constant in his life. There was never a time when he didn't feel some sort of pain, mental or physical. It was his constant companion, steady and unwavering, always there. He felt it as a young child, bullied and abused by his father, and he felt it know, pulsing from his thigh. His pain never stopped, and he didn't mind. It was better than nothing.

_You're__ sick of feeling numb__, y__ou're not the only one__. I'll__ take you by the hand__ a__nd I'll show you a world that you can understand__. This life is filled with __hurt__ when__ happiness __doesn't__ work__. Trust me__ and take my hand__, w__hen the lights go out you will understand._

He had been happy once, with Stacy. It was five years of relief, a glorious respite. During those few, short years, the pain hadn't been so bad, so noticeable. He hadn't wanted that time to end.

And then there was the infarction. And all he knew was pain.

_Pain, without love.__ Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all. __Pain, without love.__ Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all._

It returned him to his status quo, and once again, there was the familiar presence of his pain, there and reassuring. The fact that it always radiated from his damaged thigh provided a new constant. There was no more wondering where his next pain would be, as he had as a child. Sometimes it wasn't so bad, and sometimes the pain was intense.

After Stacy left, those were the times he preferred.

_Anger and agony__, a__re better than misery. __Trust me __I've got__ a plan__, w__hen the lights go off you will understand._

He truly hated his pain for the first time that day she walked out the door. For the first time, he got angry about it. His pain consumed his thoughts, he agonized over whether he had been right to keep his leg. His pain was all he could feel after she left.

_Pain, without love.__ Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all.__Pain, without love.__ Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all._ _Rather feel pain_.

He was grateful that he still felt the pain. It meant that he was still alive, that there was still something left in his life. As long as he felt pain, he could feel everything else.

_I know (I know I know I know I know)__,t__hat__ you're wounded. __You know (You know you know you know you know)__, t__hat __I'm__ here to save you. __You know (You know you know you know you know)__I'm__ always here for you. __I know (I know I know I know I know)__ t__hat __you'll__ thank me later._

He sometimes wished that Jimmy would stop trying to take his pain away. It wasn't that he wanted to be in pain always. He was afraid that without his pain, he would be nothing but a shell. He was afraid that if he let Jimmy banish his pain, he would lose his passion, lose who he was. He couldn't risk it.

_Pain, without love.__ Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all.__Pain, without love. Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all._ _Pain, without love.__ Pain, I __can't__ get enough. Pain, I like it rough, 'cause __I'd__ rather feel pain than nothing at all._ _Rather feel pain than nothing at all. __Rather__ feel pain_

He was nothing without his pain.


	3. Animal I Have Become

**I haven't updated this in a long time! Sorry about that. This chapter is from Foreman's point of view, after the season 3 episode "Resignation."**

**Thanks to my reviewers, FutureWriterofAmericaActivate, jremme, and cryingblacktears. Enjoy!**

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_I can't escape this hell. So many times I've tried, but I'm still caged inside. Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself._

He wasn't always this way, not really. Sure, there was the time he was arrested for breaking and entering, but he was a teenager. He made mistakes. Everyone did. But now, there were no mistakes. He was doing his job. And yet, it wasn't like before. Now there was a feeling of something terrible, of a monster, lurking beneath the shadows of his personality.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one would ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal (This animal, this animal)._

It came gradually over the course of three years, this creeping monster living in his body. He wasn't aware of it; growing, learning within. It was a carbon copy of House, the heartless, the vile. He hated it, did everything possible to deny its existence. And it was slowly taking over, commanding his medical expertise.

_I can't escape myself (I can't escape myself). So many times I've lied (So many times I've lied). But there's still rage inside. Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself._

House claimed that the one constant in life was that everybody lies. Foreman knew it to be true, knew that he was even lying to himself, in a state of self denial, ignoring the monster within unless it was needed. He didn't want to believe it would ever be needed.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one would ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me. Somebody help me tame this animal .Help me believe it's not the real me, Somebody help me tame this animal. _

His darkest side, he never hadn't realized how bad it had truly become. Not until he drew the bone marrow from Matty. After, he couldn't figure out how he allowed himself to perform the procedure, still hasn't. The only thing he could think of, then and now, was temporary insanity. He wondered vaguely if he could have inherited it from House, the man's medical ethics were so non-existent._  
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_Somebody help me through this nightmare, I can't control myself. Somebody wake me from this nightmare, I can't escape this animal._

Now, he has nightmares, sometimes nightly, sometimes weakly. All feature the same thing, Matty on the table, having his bone marrow drawn. But when looking closer each dream, he sees that it's not Matty, but himself lying there screaming and begging his assailant to stop. And it is House that stands with the needle.

_(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)_

Foreman is terrified of turning into House, but he's knows it's too late. The monster is already there, waiting for a patient that can be saved if ethics are ignored.

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So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me, Somebody help me tame this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me, Somebody help me tame this animal (This animal I have become)._

Foreman suspects that House knows exactly what is running through his mind as he hands in his resignation. Judging by the look in the older man's eyes, House is almost proud of what he's achieved.

Foreman is simply ashamed.


End file.
